I’ve been overwhelmed the past couple of days with the definition of
love. Love is such a subjective concept and I call it a concept for that exact
reason. As most of my friends and I are young adults, trying to find our way in
the world, we sometimes can’t help thinking about our future life partners. Overwhelmed
with hashtagged weddings, elaborately decorated celebrations, juxtaposed with
the failed marriages that come to light soon after those grand events, these
discussions come hand in hand with the discussion of love. What is it, and how
does one maintain it?
My mains and I have completely different ideas on love, relationships
and how they should work. Seeing as we have all been raised by different people
who have gone through their own life experiences, that is perfectly natural. Because we all have different opinions, it again highlights that there is no one
way, or right way.
So what is love in the context of a relationship? In my opinion,
love is the complete unconditional acceptance of another person. To give a few
examples, you accept their strengths, weaknesses, flaws, fears, hopes and
dreams.
I have realized that more often than not, we forget that people
change over time, the man you love today might be completely different in the
next few months, or next few years. Love dictates that you will accept him as
he presents himself to you regardless of how he might have changed. The reason
why we generally run into difficulty is that we get so used to a person being a
certain way, that when they change you need to learn to accept them all over
again. Not only that, but there might be tastes, values, opinions or
personality traits you might not see coming. Further, you are going to have to
realign those changes with your ‘self’, which also changes over time. In a
sense, you choose to fall in love with that person again.
Why did I just say choose? I ran into an amazing saying a few weeks
ago, it stated that you cannot help who your attracted to, but you do choose who
you love. Scientifically speaking, when we are attracted to someone, our body
releases certain chemicals that cause us to feel, act and think in a certain
way. We don’t consciously tell our body to release those chemicals we just do it,
naturally! That sounds amazing doesn’t it? However, why is it that the case is different
when it comes to love? Why is it that people say they are no longer ‘in love’?
That is because often times we mistake attraction, or sexual tension for love.
Love as already depicted earlier in article goes much deeper than just surface
attraction. It is about the complete acceptance of another person. This crosses
physical barriers into the emotional, and mental. Which although still
involving chemicals, it is controlled by our conscious thought. Therein lies the
key difference. We choose to say yes, to be married to this one person for the
rest of our lives. We choose to say yes to the fact that when things go wrong,
we will stay by their side. That is a major commitment that should not be taken
lightly.
I believe (myself included), that we are guilty of allowing the
media (books, movies, series, adverts) to affect our perception of love. It is
depicted generally speaking, as either love at first sight, or love during a
weekend, that involved some trial that was overcome. Or it was a whirlwind romance, that ended in tragedy. These movies are created to entertain. Whilst they make us
feel all giddy and inspired inside, they do nothing to help us with the real
world. In my opinion, more often than not, that concept of love does not exist,
if it does, it does not last, and even then, only very few people have been able
to attain it, especially in the 21st century with our changing
morals, perceptions, technological advances and various other distractions.
Therefore, as much as love can mean different things to different
people, something has been made very clear to me - love is a major commitment.
If people focus on the fact that love is a choice, they will realise when the
chips are down that they chose to love this person, to be with this person, to share
a life with this person, and they might just try a little harder to make things
work.
All pictures are taken from Google. Georgette Monnou reserves no rights to the images used.
