Wednesday, September 24, 2014

The 80/20 Rule: Why Do People Cheat?

A few weeks ago I had a four-hour long conversation with a couple of people about the reason why men cheat. I heard everything from needing to be sexually involved with a new person because they are used to the landscape their current partner provides, to it is in a man’s nature to cheat. However, what is the real reason?

In my opinion the 80/20 Rule explains it. In a relationship you will only ever get 80 percent of what you want from your partner. There will always be that 20 percent missing. It could be anything from different sleeping patterns, which means that you never spend enough time together, to untidiness, inability to effectively communicate, impoliteness, inability to cook, or explore certain practices in the bedroom…the list is endless. The question however, is that after identifying the 20 percent that is lacking in your relationship; do you choose to go elsewhere to obtain it?

In Tyler Perry’s Why Did I get Married, Mike leaves his wife for another woman. She sexually satisfies him but she does not cook, clean or care for him the way his ex-wife used to. She stereotypically spends his money shopping 24/7; Mike later regrets his choice. Toke Makinwa talks about the 80/20 Rule on TokeMoments, and comically terms it ‘Big Eye Disease.’ She argues that those who constantly compare themselves to others, or go looking for what is not theirs, fall prey to the rule.

Being back home and looking at the Nigerian landscape, Nigerians need to learn to work on their relationships. There are too many weddings but not enough long-lasting marriages. I see many couples choosing to divorce, or separate (Nigerians handy break up tool which doesn’t involve the Law).  At the other end of the spectrum, some couples lead unhappy lives, choosing to stay with a partner who does not bring them any peace.

Going back to the conversation I had earlier this week, I was beyond shocked when someone said to me, “He is coming home to you, taking care of you, loves you. The other side chicks do not matter.” Call me na├»ve, but I rather not sentence myself to life with a man who ends up cheating on me, only for him to say, “but you’re my main chick now.”

Do you agree with the rule? Does it explain cheating? What would you do if your partner cheated?


  1. I once dated an older guy who I caught When I called him out, his response was: you should be lucky/happy I'm not doing it physically just online.
    My gob got so bloody smacked I was speechless for about ten secs. I high tailed it out. There is no explanation whatsoever for cheating. She/he cannot cook? Get a recipe book or get a bloody chef if you can afford it. He is untidy? Show him the goodness of putting stuff away. Sleep routine isn't conducive? Figure it out one way or another. She/he isn't fun in bed? Make it fun and make the effort to do what either is comfy with. Its really that simple. I had a friend tell me he loves his partner but she just doesn't seem to enjoy sex with him. Don't talk to me about it, go to her. I don't know her you do. If you can have sex, you sure as hell can talk things out. The whole its in a man's nature to cheat is total hogwash.

    1. Hi J, thanks once again for commenting! Yes I agree, people should try hard to work on their relationships, thats the only effective way to avoid it. x

  2. nice write up and job you are doing found out about you blog via bellanaija today and i must say its a nice 1. thanks

    1. Hi Tolu! Thank you so much for visiting and commenting. I have a huge smile on my face. I hope you continue to read, enjoy and let me know your thoughts!