The 80/20 Rule: Why Do People Cheat?

A few weeks ago I had a four-hour long conversation with a couple of people about the reason why men cheat. I heard everything from needing to be sexually involved with a new person because they are used to the landscape their current partner provides, to it is in a man’s nature to cheat. However, what is the real reason?

In my opinion the 80/20 Rule explains it. In a relationship you will only ever get 80 percent of what you want from your partner. There will always be that 20 percent missing. It could be anything from different sleeping patterns, which means that you never spend enough time together, to untidiness, inability to effectively communicate, impoliteness, inability to cook, or explore certain practices in the bedroom…the list is endless. The question however, is that after identifying the 20 percent that is lacking in your relationship; do you choose to go elsewhere to obtain it?

In Tyler Perry’s Why Did I get Married, Mike leaves his wife for another woman. She sexually satisfies him but she does not cook, clean or care for him the way his ex-wife used to. She stereotypically spends his money shopping 24/7; Mike later regrets his choice. Toke Makinwa talks about the 80/20 Rule on TokeMoments, and comically terms it ‘Big Eye Disease.’ She argues that those who constantly compare themselves to others, or go looking for what is not theirs, fall prey to the rule.

Being back home and looking at the Nigerian landscape, Nigerians need to learn to work on their relationships. There are too many weddings but not enough long-lasting marriages. I see many couples choosing to divorce, or separate (Nigerians handy break up tool which doesn’t involve the Law).  At the other end of the spectrum, some couples lead unhappy lives, choosing to stay with a partner who does not bring them any peace.

Going back to the conversation I had earlier this week, I was beyond shocked when someone said to me, “He is coming home to you, taking care of you, loves you. The other side chicks do not matter.” Call me naïve, but I rather not sentence myself to life with a man who ends up cheating on me, only for him to say, “but you’re my main chick now.”

Do you agree with the rule? Does it explain cheating? What would you do if your partner cheated?

Album Review: V

I love how adventurous this group is. They keep tweaking their sound, allowing it to develop, never forgetting their melodic roots. I remember being in Nigeria at the age of twelve getting my hair braided, and the hairdressers and I would sing along to ‘Sunday Morning,’ boy has their sound changed since then!

At this point you should know that I am speaking about my current faves, Maroon 5. They recently released their new album ‘V’ with their hit single ‘Maps’ already making waves globally. However, the other night, I listened to their whole album and thoroughly enjoyed it.

Currently, my favourite songs are ‘In Your Pocket’, ‘Unkiss Me’, ‘Feelings’, and ‘My Heart is Open’ feat Gwen Stefani. In fact, from ‘My Heart Is Open’, the album goes into this melodic transcendence. You’ll be listening to the kind of songs you and your crush can slow dance to on the dance floor or in front of a dimly lit fire. (I watch too many movies!)

Hope you enjoy listening to it!

Friendship and New Adventures

Yesterday I went to a bar with a few good friends of mine. It was a place I had found by accident with another friend when we went to eat at a Restaurant down the road. That night we went into the bar a little nervous because we were not sure if we had to book a table or if we had to be on some guest list, but luckily for us, we didn’t need to. We walked in and were taken aback by how relaxed the environment was, and we knew we definitely wanted to come back.

Going back to yesterday, I went to have drinks with a few friends and I didn’t even realise that this bar had so much more than just the one room. Every room had its own theme and naturally a different effect on the visitor. I fell in love.

However, todays post isn’t going to be about this lovely hideaway that I found but rather about friendship. It is amazing how we walk through this journey called life and we cannot get out on the other end without forming relationships with people. Call it human nature; call it what you want, but I would like to think that friends are the people that add color to your blank, seemingly dull canvas.

There are times in my life, I could not have gone through without friends that have become sisters or vice versa, and it is truly interchangeable with the deep friendships I have formed with a few male friends of mine.

There was a time in my life where I didn’t have one friend to hang out with. It was the culmination of a lot of things, after effects of being bullied, being more comfortable hanging out by myself, and I was also very young. My days consisted of very many classes learning at school, going home and then back to school again. However, I got out of that phase luckily, and God blessed me with another gift, the ability to let things go and the ability to forget. Some of my closest friends will tell you that honestly, I might be a bit sensitive, but if you hurt me, I might remember that something happened between us but not remember exactly what you did or said. It is so much easier to let things go when you cannot remember/choose to forget and move on with your life.

The friends that have remained a constant in my life truly have been through hell and back with me. I found this neat quote, and as a foodie, I quite liked it:

What has your road down Friendship Lane been like?

10,000 views and #BringBackOurGirls

We have gotten to 10, 000 page views! I don’t know what else to say but thank you for reading!

I want to use this post to go back to why I started this blog two years ago. At the heart of this blog is one of my biggest passions – Nigeria, my country my home. At the moment, even more than before, my government is failing in more ways than one can imagine. Let us put aside the corruption complaints, poverty issues, lack of electricity and water distribution, poor educational systems, bad roads and infrastructure, our girls are still missing, our girls are still not back.

About 140 days ago, Boko Haram (BH), an Islamist terrorist group that started terrorizing Nigeria some four years ago, took 276 girls in Chibok. Some have escaped, some have been sold, some have been used as suicide bombers but many are still missing.

Some argue that politicians are behind the rise of Boko Haram, which was recently confirmed by the Australian hostage negotiator, Dr. Stephen Davis when interviewed recently. President Goodluck Jonathan brought him in to advise on the kidnapping of the Chibok girls. However, it is more than just our politician’s involvement now. ISIS, a British Islamist terror cell group, is giving Boko Haram tactical training and Al Queada is funding them. Nigeria frankly does not have the manpower or adequate skills to deal with this issue. The International community especially America have tried to help Nigeria stop Boko Haram by providing funding but for some reason their efforts are not making much of a difference because thousands of Nigerians are still dying and children’s lives are still at stake. 

Therefore, there must be more that meets the eyes. With Dr. Davis’ recent confirmation, if our politicians are funding this group then this saga is never going to end. Even if these supposed politicians wanted to stop funding BH, the situation has become even larger than they anticipated. The genie is out of the bottle. It is incredibly sad that certain people’s thirst for power and sheer greed has and will continue to cause millions in Nigeria to suffer. 

What can be done to stop them? Who can come to Nigeria’s aid? 

At this point as a citizen of Nigeria, all I can do is pray, pray for the families whose lives are being affected by this group. Pray for some kind of divine intervention and that every enemy of the state, every politician or silent investor funding this group or involved with this group should find a way to stop this monster they have created. Too many people are dying, too many children are being raped, witnessing absolute horror, all because of what? Money? 

Please do not forget to keep talking, keep writing, keep rallying to #BringBackOurGirls