A few weeks ago I had a four-hour long conversation with a couple of
people about the reason why men cheat. I heard everything from needing to be
sexually involved with a new person because they are used to the landscape
their current partner provides, to it is in a man’s nature to cheat. However,
what is the real reason?
In my opinion the 80/20 Rule explains it. In a relationship you will
only ever get 80 percent of what you want from your partner. There will always
be that 20 percent missing. It could be anything from different sleeping
patterns, which means that you never spend enough time together, to untidiness,
inability to effectively communicate, impoliteness, inability to cook, or explore
certain practices in the bedroom…the list is endless. The question however, is
that after identifying the 20 percent that is lacking in your relationship; do
you choose to go elsewhere to obtain it?
In Tyler Perry’s Why Did I get
Married, Mike leaves his wife for another woman. She sexually satisfies him
but she does not cook, clean or care for him the way his ex-wife used to. She
stereotypically spends his money shopping 24/7; Mike later regrets his choice. Toke
Makinwa talks about the 80/20 Rule on TokeMoments, and comically terms it ‘Big
Eye Disease.’ She argues that those who constantly compare themselves to
others, or go looking for what is not theirs, fall prey to the rule.
Being back home and looking at the Nigerian landscape, Nigerians need
to learn to work on their relationships. There are too many weddings but not
enough long-lasting marriages. I see many couples choosing to divorce, or separate (Nigerians handy break up tool
which doesn’t involve the Law). At the other end of the spectrum, some
couples lead unhappy lives, choosing to stay with a partner who does not bring
them any peace.
Going back to the conversation I had earlier this week, I was beyond
shocked when someone said to me, “He is coming home to you, taking care of you,
loves you. The other side chicks do not matter.” Call me naïve, but I rather
not sentence myself to life with a man who ends up cheating on me, only for him
to say, “but you’re my main chick now.”
Do you agree with the rule? Does it explain
cheating? What would you do if your partner cheated?
I once dated an older guy who I caught cheating....online. When I called him out, his response was: you should be lucky/happy I'm not doing it physically just online.
ReplyDeleteMy gob got so bloody smacked I was speechless for about ten secs. I high tailed it out. There is no explanation whatsoever for cheating. She/he cannot cook? Get a recipe book or get a bloody chef if you can afford it. He is untidy? Show him the goodness of putting stuff away. Sleep routine isn't conducive? Figure it out one way or another. She/he isn't fun in bed? Make it fun and make the effort to do what either is comfy with. Its really that simple. I had a friend tell me he loves his partner but she just doesn't seem to enjoy sex with him. Don't talk to me about it, go to her. I don't know her you do. If you can have sex, you sure as hell can talk things out. The whole its in a man's nature to cheat is total hogwash.
Hi J, thanks once again for commenting! Yes I agree, people should try hard to work on their relationships, thats the only effective way to avoid it. x
Deletenice write up and job you are doing found out about you blog via bellanaija today and i must say its a nice 1. thanks
ReplyDeleteHi Tolu! Thank you so much for visiting and commenting. I have a huge smile on my face. I hope you continue to read, enjoy and let me know your thoughts!
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